Bethany and Rachael, your demonic co-hosts of all things The Ineffable Con, met during the lead up to TIC 1 in October 2019, where Rachael was the co-chair, alongside Tracionn, and Bethany was attending her first convention. Fast forward to July 2022 and they married each other at a Good Omens-themed ineffable wedding!
We have captured the Good Omens details in the following post for your enjoyment and for our memories – we hope you enjoy looking through our photos (and yes, we’re sad we restrained ourselves and didn’t book the Bentley, too…!) A huge, huge thank you must first go to the wonderful photographer that is Winston Sanders, who enabled us to have such a wonderful record of the day! We’re not sure he’s ever been asked to photograph a wooden spoon before…!
Anyway – let’s get married!
Getting ready was the first order of the day (it would be weird otherwise…), and both brides had feather jewellery courtesy of Swarovski’s “Nice” range. Rachael did consider the Naughty range, which is black feathers, and an accompanying black dress, but decided to mix her fandoms and go full Little Mermaid with her outfit choices!
At this point, it is important to mention that there were fewer than 10 people at this 80 person wedding that had read or seen Good Omens – despite the suggestion in the invites and, indeed, at any Go- Someone given opportunity. You know the pitch, “BBC, only six episodes, Michael Sheen, David Tennant…” We know some of you ineffable lot were watching online (heart eyes emoji), but, as well as enjoying these pictures as a Good Omens fan, we invite you to look through the eyes of some of our considerably-less-clued-up guests…because they must have thought we had all gone slightly mad (not to mention the look on the wedding coordinator’s face when we turned up with a 3ft long snake plushie…)
To the set up! On the perfectly ordinary velocipede wheel, it says “Sit where you like: We’re on our own side”…
Now is the time to stop reading if you’re not a fan of books being used for other things than reading. Spoiler alert: some books were
harmed repurposed in the making of this wedding…
You can see in the registrar’s table teapot that there are two roses, one in full view and a bud hidden behind the (very ostentatious) feather. These were made from Good Omens script books – if anyone’s considering doing the same, the novel would make denser text and more resplendent roses! Bethany’s Mum also made around 2 litres of confetti from various iterations of Good Omens, which was used as confetti, mixed with dried rose petals, and as table confetti.
Onto the ceremony itself! We chose to walk down the aisle to “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square”, played on the harp by the amazing Xenia Horne. Xenia also played the Good Omens theme whilst we were signing the register, and a number of other celestial harmonies, then “You’re My Best Friend” for walking back down the aisle as Dr and Mrs! (Sadly, our suggestion of “Fat Bottomed Girls” was vetoed…)
During the ceremony, we had two readings. The first, from Nigel Slater’s book “Appetite” was peak Aziraphale and read by Bethany’s brother, Lucien. We were also absolutely delighted to have one of our friends we met through Good Omens, Tiffo, come all the way from America to share an ineffable reading of Rachael’s creation (read: cobbling together of Good Omens quotes).
From “Appetite” by Nigel Slater
Some flavours work together. Others don’t. You can’t really argue with the theory that if you like something then it works, but to experiment with marrying flavours, in a trial and error situation like a mad scientist, will not only take forever but will probably lead to some really horrid meals. The easy way is to respect a few basic principles about flavours that work especially well together – what belongs with what – which will at least give you the chance of a decent supper. You can then experiment as and when you feel like it. To put it another way, someone has done some of the work for you. Be thankful. You didn’t really want to be the one to find out that anchovies are disgusting with bacon, did you?
Some flavours have a natural affinity for each other. In other words, they flatter each other and make for better eating. Much of what is accepted as being a sound partnership makes good sense but there is also a lot of rubbish talked about what goes with what. I have never agreed, for instance, with the well-known accompaniment for oysters, which some foodies reckon is Tabasco sauce. To my taste buds this is an abomination. The chilli sauce does nothing for the pure intense seawater flavour of the shellfish. Yet I am convinced that lemon really brings out the flavour of steak, with which many would just as fiercely disagree. Likewise I put Dijon mustard on my lamb yet fail to be moved by the ageold marriage of cherries with duck.
Yet there are certain combinations of ingredients that seem as if they were made for one another. Think tomato and basil, think sausage and mustard, think Parma ham and melon. There are logical explanations for some of these natural pairings, such as the salt in the ham intensifying the flavour of the melon, but others are beyond analysis. It is simply that there is something intrinsically right about them, and there are some flavours and textures that work together so naturally that they defy the meddlings of any creative cook. There are flavours and textures that work together in perfect harmony. A roll-call of all that is good about eating: beef and mustard; lamb and garlic; liver and onions; toast and Marmite; steak and bearnaise sauce; duck and five-spice; chicken and tarragon; strawberries and cream. Then there are those successful contrasts of textures that seem like gifts from God – gravy and mashed potato; egg and chips; ripe Brie and crisp white bread; cold vanilla ice cream and hot chocolate sauce.
Some things are simply meant to be.
From “Good Omens” by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
You grow up reading about pirates, and cowboys, and spacemen, and stuff, and just when you think the world’s full of amazing things, they tell you it’s really all dead whales, and chopped-down forests, and nuclear waste hanging about for millions of years.
It feels like you’re involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
(The point is. The point I’m trying to make, is the dolphins.)
But when it seemed like all was black, gloomy and awful. When there was no light at the end of the tunnel – or if there was, it was an oncoming train – you found me.
It was all a matter of being in the right place at the right time.
It used to be thought that the events that changed the world were things like big bombs, maniac politicians, huge earthquakes, or vast population movements, but it has now been realized that this is a very old-fashioned view held by people totally out of touch with modern thought. The things that really change the world, according to Chaos theory, are the tiny things.
Against all natural operation of causality, you looked at me, and knew that deep (very deep) down inside, that there was a spark of goodness in me.
And I knew that, deep down inside, you were just enough of a demon* to be worth liking.
And now the world is an amazing, interesting place that I want to enjoy with you for as long as possible. Perhaps it wasn’t written, but I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.
(Best not to speculate, really. You can’t second-guess ineffability, I always say)
We’re on our own side.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives.
For those of you that read the wall of text, you will notice a small * by “demon”, in the sentence, “And I knew that, deep down inside, you were just enough of a demon* to be worth liking.” The Powers That Be at Norfolk County Council were unhappy with the inclusion of the word “bastard” – luckily, Mr Gaiman was on hand to provide a substitute…and Maddie was on hand to shout “bastard” at the appropriate moment. Again, we encourage you to look at this wedding through the eyes of the uninitiated: WILD.
We had a few finishing touches for after the ceremony (what the Americans, we believe, call “cocktail hour” – we just call it “standing around waiting for food”). Bubble bottles were hosted in a tartan-clad box, made with leftover material from bow ties. You’ll have to take our word for this one – it’s the only Good Omens touch we don’t have a good picture of! We also had snacks for those that simply couldn’t wait for food, and more tartan in the form of our card box. We’ll also take this opportunity to show off our sparklers, which featured later on in the evening!
Before we get stuck into the dining room, where the majority of the Good Omens magic happens (we didn’t have Harry the Rabbit, but we did have a real live mole that made its way inside…!), we’ll share our guest books. The first was Queen’s Greatest Hits, on which our guests could sign their name. We have these displayed, along with the album cover, at the top of our stairs now, to remind us of all of our ineffable guests! The second…the second was the largest and most complicated project of the wedding – and for those of you that fell at the rotary phone hurdle of the TIC 2 online scavenger hunt, the rotary phone got its revenge on Rachael on your behalf…
Rachael set out to make the rotary phone after Bethany found one online that you could HIRE for an outrageous £400!!! Confident in Rachael’s technical skills, Bethany nominated her to make one that guests would be able to record a message on and that could then be played back when the phone was picked up. We also had a special guest: Elliot Crossley, who voiced Crowley for the TIC 3 scavenger hunt, kindly recorded us three answer machine messages that cycled round when guests picked up:
Elliot also recorded us a message for us to add to the phone’s replays – we may have had a moment there!
For the technically minded among you, the innards of the phone consist of an Arduino Nano, with an SD card reader, and a two colour LED that lights up green when playing a message and red when recording. The project was complicated by the fact that the £10 rotary phone we got from Facebook Marketplace had no insides when we bought it, so Rachael improvised a hook switch using a limit switch from Amazon and some Fimo to hold it in place (see below: we had LOADS). The handset does contain the original speaker, but the mouthpiece was replaced with an electret microphone. A huge thank you to Andrew Armstrong of Armstrong Consultants for finding the place in which Crowley got into the soldering, without which the phone may have been yeeted into Heaven itself! The finishing touch of the “Soho 666” label was made with a free template from Telephone-Dial and Bethany even found some rotary phone earrings as part of Rachael’s wedding present!
Our reception was a homage to Good Omens – we really made an…err…effort to think about every detail. When guests arrived to the meal, they were met with our table plan, an old map of London on which they could find their relevant place name with Witchfinder map pins. You may notice one string going off the board: that’s not an error, that’s Alpha Centauri! Rachael made all of the place names from Fimo – we hope Peter Anderson isn’t too offended by her rudimentary art skills!
Our centrepieces mimicked the registrar’s table set up, but instead of Good Omens, the guests were invited to share their favourite book as part of their RSVP, which then made up the stack. Bookplates were added to each and the programme (let’s face it: this was TIC 3.5) encouraged guests to either keep their book as a favour, or swap it with another guest. The teapots themselves were gathered from eBay, charity shops and car boot sales – our favourites were the bookshop teapot (no, really!!!) and Agnes Nutter’s cottage.
Our final book art crafts came in the form of more confetti, this time for the tables, and our place names. For those of you that attended our Good Omens month gathering this year, you may remember Bethany’s claw hand from making these during the event! The apples were made from Discworld novels, the names of which were added to the underside with a sticker.
After all of the excitement of the tables: Let’s eat! Our dilemma was that all of the food at Titchwell Manor is excellent. So, how do you choose your menu? By what you can make Good Omens puns out of, of course!
Would an event that Bethany and Rachael were hosting even be an event Bethany and Rachael are hosting without a quiz? Rather than speeches, we decided that a quiz was the way to go – oBvIoUsLy. We had a Pointless round, an Only Connect round, Catchphrase and Answer Smash, as well as the University Challenge music round. Each round contained four questions, themed around War, Famine, Pollution and Death – cheery – and we are fairly confident that we are the only people in the world to have Vladimir Putin in their wedding programme. David Tennanteater remains top of the Answer Smash greats, though, and does get a mention!
The end of the thinking time was signalled by a rather splendid feather bell and there were prizes, both first and booby, the English tradition for which is a wooden spoon. Thank you to the ever ineffable Terrific Fandom Shops for the bow tie stickers! The first prizes – which went to the Dumbosaurs, despite it NOT being a Good Omens-themed quiz! – were a magnum of champagne (and obligatory “To the world!” toast) and a duck soap each, resplendent with our favourite bath tub quote. Our guests were also able to take the quill pens and Victorian ink bottles away with them, should they so wish, for their next quizzing adventure!
Before the evening got into full swing, there was time for cake! The original plan was that Bethany’s Mum would make the cake, but that was not the ineffable plan – an unexpected illness meant that she was no longer able to. Sarah, of Dennis Delights, saved the day with this truly ineffable book cake (Agnes Nutter is carrot cake, Mrs Beetons is chocolate!) – and Bethany’s Mum was able to watch the wedding on the live stream before heading upstairs to give Gabriel a piece of her mind a few days later ❤
Let us tempt you to follow us to our evening reception…
God does not play dice with the universe…but our guests could at our craps table! Did we get a craps table just because Rachael wanted to put that pun in the programme? Perhaps…As penance, she made some Aziraphale gift bags as prizes for those who did play dice with the lovely chaps from Acetones Entertainment!
Our first dance was to the 2017 acoustic version of “Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle. Rachael made a vid for Bethany that premiered at TIC 1 to this song, and the rest, as they say, was history. If all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into “Best of Queen” albums, it seemed only fitting that our first dance metamorphosed into Queen, too – enter Don’t Stop Queen Now!
Don’t Stop Queen Now, otherwise known as Mike (Freddie) and James (Brian) are not usually a duo, but said they were happy to rehearse and play for us, to accommodate our smaller space! They were, without question, the highlight of our night – we invited guests to share their favourite Queen song as part of their RSVP and DSQN smashed each and every one of them! If you’re in the North West, the chaps play regularly in the area, if you’re in London in February, come with Rachael and I to see them again, and we promise that, if we ever do a hybrid TIC, we’ll move Heaven and Earth to get them there!
After all of the excitement of the day, there was only one thing left: PRESENTS! We had some amazingly generous contributions of days out in our new(ish!) Norfolk area and to Alzheimer’s Research UK in memory of Sir Terry Pratchett (shameless plug for our donation link, 2022 The World, here!). We also had some Good Omens treats from the lovely Whiteley Foster, two Crowley neck pillows for our honeymoon flights, and this absolutely gorgeous cross stitch from the wonderful Eirian:
Our collective hats are well and truly off to the marvellous Tiffo of Fanbound Books for an actual hard copy of the fic that cemented Bethany and Rachael’s friendship (no, no air quotes, thank you!), “You’ve Got Kudos”. The less said about the plot silliness, the better, but we are absolutely honoured that Tiffo took the time to make such a beautiful book out of our ramblings!
The finishing touch to our Good Omens-themed extravaganza was the most extravagant wedding photo album from Locketts of Hungerford – which, let’s face it, would be where Aziraphale would get his photo albums from, with a name like that!
There would be other summers, but there would never be one like this. Ever again.
Thank you for taking the time to read about our ineffable wedding – we hope you’ve enjoyed following our day as much as we have reminiscing.
To the world!